On a Cold Winter’s Day

A year ago today I kicked off my $60 Birthday Project. What I feel is my 60th year drawing to a close faster than I’d like. The passing of time is more noticeable this year. Maybe it’s because the project made the year more noticeable, more special than most. Perhaps it’s because my looming birthday is a reminder that despite a goal I set for myself, I have not yet shared all the gifting stories. I had grand plans. Blog about each story, publish an essay about the project, write a book. The stories need to be shared! I barely started the first, completed the second, the third remains a dream.

If I could have one wish for my 61st birthday it would be to find a way to make energy and inspiration last, manifest my dreams, and bring projects to completion. Okay, that’s three wishes and I’ve always wished for these things. Still, I try not to beat myself up too badly because when I started this a year ago I had no intention of doing anything more than listening too and enjoying the experiences and the ripple effect the giving created. Belaboring all that’s yet to be done on things envisioned after the fact just shifts the focus away from the intention of my original project: to celebrate life, spread joy, create moments of connection, express gratitude. And that happened in spades. And in the end, it’s only this that matters.

So to commemorate this day I share one of my favorite gifting stories. My friend Jen begins her note to me with this: On many of my days into work, I pass a middle-aged man on the street corner asking for money. I pass these people and these situations often, as you probably do too. There was just something about his demeanor and his smile that just seemed different than others who seem to be distracted by life or influenced by substances. I started striking up short conversations with him in the limited time we had at the stop light on my way to work.

Eventually Jen asked this man for his story, which he later wrote down and quickly handed her one day as she drove by. Though he doesn’t specifically say, it’s assumed his life was fairly normal until his 30’s, when his adopted mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He moved in and cared for her full time for 4 years. When that situation changed he found himself on the streets. Shortly thereafter he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. For the next 16 years he was in and out of various shelters. In 2020 a social worker set him up with government housing for the long term homeless. But there are still some expenses he has to pick up himself. Since he struggles to hold down a job he begs on the street for the money he needs.

Jen told him about my project and discussed with him his wish list. With winter approaching they settled on a parka. Soon she realized that $60 was not quite enough to buy the kind of coat needed for a Midwest winter so she, in her own words, decided to “put some skin in the game” to get him a down coat from Walmart. She then made a special trip into town to deliver the parka, complete with coffee and donuts, this time parking her car so that she had time to meet and visit with him. What started with small talk ended in a hug.

Jen gave this man more than a coat that day. She gave him the gift of her time and attention. She allowed him to share his story. She made him feel seen and heard.

Her note to me ends with a sentiment expressed by many in their gifting stories: I wonder if this is more of a gift for me than you. Jen, I believe it’s a gift for both of us. The two of us together offered this man comfort through the cold winter and created a connection through an experience we will forever share.

One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.
~Shannon L. Alder