February 9th: I’m a bit adrift this week. The displacement caused by the fumigation of termites in my house is the likely culprit. Or a side effect of binge watching Gilmore Girls on sleepless nights; my brain suffers from the constant chatter of all the show’s female characters talking as if they’re amped up on coffee. Or it could be the calendar inching towards the anniversary of my father’s death; last February I was making frequent visits to the hospital, sometimes sitting for hours in ICU just to be there for him. Perhaps it’s reality knocking on my door as plans are made to celebrate the life of a dearly departed friend. The position of the moon. Maybe the rain. The childish behavior of our President. Or simply the ups and downs of daily life.
My mind is always a jumble of thoughts and lately I’ve been trying to distance myself from those thoughts, to become an observer of the drama rather than a participant in the drama. It’s an effort to find peace of mind through grounding……to be deeply rooted in self like the big healthy willow tree in my backyard that weathers all storms and is a sanctuary to all.
Foundation building is key yet its progress is often slow and unmeasurable. There is no scale to quantify how much mindfulness you’ve lost or gained, how much more or less defensive you are, how much more or less you are present in your own life. Progress sneaks up on you. You have to be aware. It’s often a belated feeling of well-being, a realization that wow I’m in a good place or that I handled something particularly well.
January is a month I usually suffer through, yet I felt like that willow tree, rooted in my self. A sure sign of progress, a great source of strength, fuel for faith. It’s ok that I’m off center this week. I’m going to lean into the malaise of February with confidence, to put faith in my foundation. I am grateful to know that not only will the discomfort pass, it will pass sooner than usual.
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