Accepting Gratitude

July 21: I’ve been writing this gratitude blog for six months.  I just had to write that down, to see it on my virtual sheet of paper.  And now I’m going to say it out loud because frankly, I’m astonished.

Discipline is a challenge.  I’m great at exploration and beginnings, not so good at hanging in there for the long haul.  It’s as if I used up all my discipline on years of piano lessons, getting through school with decent grades, learning skills and processes to support my job, committing to a career that comfortably supports me, committing to my marriage, the required chores of a woman – housecleaning, feeding the family, and laundry.  Ok, well, after writing that list, I realize, I do have some discipline.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.

Despite numerous unfinished projects and classes, the inability to rid myself of a few habits that no longer serve me and add a few that would, I’ve managed to show up here and write for 6 months.  The last 30 days have been challenging though.  My interest is waning, I’m restless, I feel boxed in and uninspired, I often feel this type of writing is too self-centered or that I repeat myself too much.  But I don’t want to give up.  There is a writer in me.  She’s been there since grade school.  I want to prove to her this can be done.  I’m enjoying the subtle changes in my writing; I’m starting to think a little differently, metaphors are more readily available, words that have been lost from years of having to oversimplify for user guides and training manuals are starting to return.  I’m proud of my work.  Blog writing might not be my future, but it’s as good a place as any to find my voice, hone my craft, and discover my writing purpose or project.

My morning started with a pep talk from a few friends.  They gracefully pointed out the limitation in my thinking, puffed me up with their praise, and nudged me back on the path with their support.  “I am grateful for your writing,” one of them said.  I can’t quite wrap my head around this.  Life is a myriad of moments where we support or are supported by people we know and don’t know: with or without intention, in obvious and not so obvious ways, with visible results or outcomes that may never be revealed to us.  Yet we often don’t think of ourselves as being the object of someone else’s gratitude.  Instead when someone says thank you we brush it off as no big deal, I’m just doing my job or what anyone else would do.  Or we dismiss it feeling unworthy of such appreciation.

This one statement, I am grateful for your writing, gives me pause.  The realization is that gratitude goes both ways.  A balanced life is one in which receiving is an important as giving.  I honor the experience of others not just by listening to and accepting their gratitude, but by doing so with an open heart and a belief in its genuineness.

I’m ready for another 6 months.