Smile Because It Happened

March 13th:  On this day in 2005 I was in Paris, on this day in 2009 I was in Banff, and on this day in 2013 I was in the Galapagos.  For very different reasons these were three very significant trips.  Two of them included my husband and another couple.  The four of us became best friends and over the years had many adventures together starting with our first major trip in 2001 – a Caribbean cruise.

Good travel companions can be hard to come by.  The 2001 cruise was a litmus test for our travel compatibility.  But we clicked immediately with a mutual love of travel and vacations; the enjoyment of each other’s company; common interests which made assembling an itinerary easy; respect for each couple’s desire to occasionally wander out alone or even the girls to have a separate adventure from the boys; and a shared love of fun, even silly childish fun like Ding Dong Ditch on a cruise ship.  If there was ever any issue in our traveling together it was that my husband and I sometimes wanted a bit faster paced itinerary than our friends.  But even then we found compromise.

Ours was not a situation where two men (or women) friends invited spouses on a trip who barely knew each other.  The friendship may have started that way, but by the time the 2001 cruise came along we were comfortable in any arrangement.  This led to our second trip, the 2005 Paris trip.  I can’t even remember whose idea it was, his or mine, but together we hatched this plan to gift our spouses, his wife and my husband, with a trip to Paris.  The two of us planned the trip in secret and then met on Christmas Eve with our spouses, the intent of the evening to celebrate my husband’s birthday.  My husband opened his gifts as is customary for birthdays and was totally delighted by the vacation certificate for a trip for two to Paris.  I wish my friend was here to jog my memory and help with the details of what came next because it’s a story whose scene is worth setting.  But it’s just me and the generalities of what I remember, which is that while his wife was excited about my husband’s gift, she was also a little envious because she and her husband had never been to Europe and the idea of the four of us going together just sounded like fun.  Then my friend surprised his wife with her Christmas gift, the very same vacation certificate I had made for my husband.  The scheming for the trip was revealed and in March 2005 we were off on our second big adventure.  I think that was the only time I ever truly surprised my husband and most especially with something so wonderful.

Others joined our trips in later years.  The travel group expanded to 6, sometimes 8, and sometimes a number in between.  Ours had become a group whose activities were not limited by the participation of, or rather lack of participation of, a spouse.  A spouse who was sick, on a business trip, visiting family, or fulfilling another obligation was not a reason not to attend an event or go on a trip.  It’s one of the things I like best about our friendship.

Banff was an expansion trip, a several degrees of separation expansion where you introduce me to your friend and your friend becomes my friend and introduces all of us to their friend and we all travel together.  And that new hand of friendship extended across the pond because our local Canadian friends met a couple vacationing from England while in Banff.  A friendship developed and future trips were coordinated to be in Banff together.  Come to Banff with us and meet them, our Canadian friends said, it’s the perfect “next vacation”.   And we did and our travel group grew to 8.  Banff became the catalyst for future trips, and as the novelty of Banff wore off (and the expense went up) our trips evolved into explorations of each other’s countries — a trip to a hometown in Canada and in England, and many trips in and around the States joined by our new English friends.

Several months ago the original four became three.  The friend who planned the 2005 Paris trip with me passed away unexpectedly.

I’m working on an In Memoriam slideshow.  It’s a collection of photos from a variety of friends and family, though most of the photos are mine.  I am an avid photographer and have chronicled most of my life through photos.  Our 15 year friendship is captured on film.  He’s like me — doesn’t mind having his picture taken, doesn’t have a preference for serious or goofy photos, though goofier is better because goofy usually tells a fun story.  He was photogenic in an animated way.  In every photo I see someone who really enjoyed life.  I loved taking his picture.

Going through the photos is what made me realize the significance of the date, the anniversary of some of our most memorable trips together.  It’s easy to be sad about this turn of events.  He was too young.  He added joy and color and fun to our lives.  His absence will change the tenor of our trips.  There won’t be any more foursome trips.  I can barely keep it together as I write this.  But in between the slivers of sadness are these big rich fields of memories, a life time of memories packed into 15 years that wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for he and his wife.  Is it possible to be grateful for something that makes me so sad?  I think so.  The sadness will pass and in its place will be him, alive in my heart.  It’s like the quote by Dr. Seuss – Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.